


The Nuclear Spectrum

by Rocknoutfrthdead



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), My Chemical Romance, The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic), the band aren't the killjoys
Genre: Chaptered, F/F, Killjoy Character(s) Of Color (Danger Days), M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, No Sex, Nonbinary Party Poison (Danger Days), Other, The Fabulous Killjoys (Danger Days) Are Not MCR, but there will be a lot of gay and a lot of crimes, cursing, i don't know how long it'll be, i mean it's a danger days fic so duh, jet star has a sister, multi-chapter, this fic is gonna be chaotic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:05:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22812745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocknoutfrthdead/pseuds/Rocknoutfrthdead
Summary: Fun Ghoul has a habit of picking strays off the streets of Bat City. This is the story of one of them.
Relationships: Agent Cherri Cola & Show Pony (Danger Days), Agent Cherri Cola/Kobra Kid (Danger Days), Fun Ghoul & Jet Star & Kobra Kid & Party Poison (Danger Days), Fun Ghoul/Party Poison (Danger Days)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 32





	1. Not Another Rat...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! Most likely if you're reading this, you're coming from my tumblr. I want to make a few notes before this fic begins:
> 
> \- Party Poison and Show Pony use they/them pronouns in this fic.
> 
> \- I've changed the ages of the fab 4, Cherri Cola and Show Pony to better fit my fic.
> 
> \- Be warned that a lot of this fic focuses on my OCs and not the Fab 4 or comic characters.
> 
> Ok, that's all for now! Thanks for reading!
> 
> ~ Naima

Fun Ghoul hurried through Battery City, bandanna pulled over his nose and mouth, eyes darting back and forth. Though this district had no human residents, there were still often 'crows roaming these streets, and Ghoul didn't want to risk his full face being seen. That would make it that much easier for BLI to track him down. 

He was almost finished with tonight's raid: the parts Kobra had needed were stowed carefully in his vest pockets. All that was left to do was to find Show Pony, who had been raiding vending machines for food in the northern part of Bat City, and drive back to the station. 

Ghoul turned down a dark alley, when he collided with someone. He looked up in shock. He'd walked into a young girl with messy brown hair, a can of spraypaint gripped in her left hand, wearing the clear cloak porno droids wore to protect themselves from the rain while still displaying themselves to anyone in search of their services. Seriously? Ghoul thought. The city's making porno droids that look like kids now? Then he looked closer. 

The droid, or girl, or whatever, had hair too ragged and clothes too modest to be a porno droid, and her light brown arms were covered in bruises and bloody scrapes. She was human. So what was she doing here, in the dead of night, in the droid district? Though Ghoul had come across Juvee Halls from time to time in the Lobby, they generally avoided the 'droid district, the presence of pleasure-seeking 'crows a fine deterrent for the bright-haired rebels.

The girl, meanwhile, looked a bit spooked, though she hid it well. "Are you gonna shoot me?" she asked, not quite looking Ghoul in the eyes. 

With a start, Ghoul realized he had his hand on his gun. Just instinct, he supposed, but he lowered his hand. "I'm not gonna shoot. Unless you plan on givin' me a reason to," Ghoul replied. "Who are you?" 

"I'm November. Who're you?" 

November. Not a City name, that was for sure. BLI discouraged uncommon names, and names with meaning, even ones as trivial as the name of a month. 'Crows were the only ones exempt from those rules.

"I'm… It's not important. What are you doing, November? It's past City curfew, and you don't strike me as a Juvee." 

Instantly, the girl was on the defensive. "I knew it! Green said they'd come for me if I wasn't careful."

Ghoul stared at her. "Who do you think I am?" he asked cautiously. 

"A Scarecrow, obviously! I don't want to be taken! I'm just fine here on my own!" The girl was panicking now, her voice echoing in the alley. 

"Hey, calm down. I ain't a 'crow, and I'm not gonna hurt you," Ghoul said, trying to keep his voice steady.

November stopped talking and stared at him. "You aren't a Scarecrow? What are you then?"

Ghoul laughed. "Did the colors and dust not give it away? I'm a runaway, girl. A desert rebel. A fabulous killjoy." 

November's eyes lit up. "Green mentioned you, before her charge expired! You fight BLI, don't you?" 

Ghoul nodded. He knew he had to get back to the Trans AM, and Show Pony would be worried, but it wasn't every day you met a kid living in the 'droid district, apparently vehemently anti-BLI. 

"I'm curious," he said. "Why aren't you being forced to sleep? Don't BLI's pills-" 

He was cut off by a snort from November. "I was never on the pills. When Green found me, she didn't tell BLI. They don't know I exist." 

Ghoul had a lot of questions, but he held back. It made sense that this girl wasn't under BLI's control. She didn't look like a City kid. Her clothes were made out of standard City cloth, the type porno droids' clothes were made of, but had been sloppily stitched together into something more modest than any droids' outfit. Her name was odd, and she spoke with a brashness missing in the voices of most Ritalin Rats. 

If Better Living doesn't know about this girl, she'll be real easy to sneak out of the city, Ghoul thought. No Dracs or 'Crows 'll be sent after her. We won't have to wean her off the pills.

Sure, Party Poison might get annoyed at him for bringing back yet another kid with no aim and even worse survival skills, but they shouldn't have sent Ghoul if they hadn't expected him to save someone. They'd come around, anyway. Poison was funny like that. They'd be adamantly against bringing in another kid from the City, but once a few days passed, they'd be treating the new 'joy like another sibling.

"How would you like to get outta here, November?" Ghoul asked. 

The girl looked conflicted, eyes darting up for a moment as she scanned the sky, lips mouthing something silently. Was she praying? But then she looked back down and into Ghoul's eyes. 

"I thought you'd never ask."  
\------------  
Pony didn't say anything to Ghoul about the new girl's presence. Maybe it was because Pony was another one of the City kids Ghoul had saved: Pony had run away into the desert with nowhere to go, struggling through extreme withdrawal symptoms, when Ghoul and Poison had spotted them. 

Poison hadn't wanted to pick up yet another Ritalin Rat too stupid to survive in the desert (their words, not Ghoul's) but Ghoul had insisted. It was a detour that proved useful, in the long run: Pony was now one of Dr. Death Defying's best runners, even at the young age of 16.

Or maybe Pony didn't say anything about the girl because they didn't know what to think. Pony wasn't a big talker, and when Ghoul did stupid things, they were content to sit back and let Party yell at Ghoul. Which really wasn't fair. Party was supposed to be on Ghoul's side. They were dating, after all. But Party Poison never took anyone's side over their own, even when it meant Ghoul kicking their ass out of the diner. 

Hopefully Party was in a good mood tonight. Ghoul didn't want November's first impression of the 'joys to be Party yelling themselves into exhaustion. Like they'd done when Ghoul had rescued that estranged Juvee Hall who went by Winter Disco. Or the time Ghoul had let the rogue 'joy Cyber Ghost crash in the Diner. 

Actually, now that he thought about it, Party got mad at him a lot. Oh well. That was an issue for another time. For now, he needed to look after November and make sure she could adapt to life in the desert. "If you're gonna run with us, you're gonna need a different name. City names don't fly here," he said. 

"Why can't I keep my name?" November asked. "Besides, I don't even know yours." 

Ghoul realized he hadn't actually introduced himself to the girl yet. "I'm Fun Ghoul. In the driver's seat is Show Pony. When we get to the Diner I'll introduce you to the others." 

The girl looked at him, confusion in her eyes. "What kind of name is Fun Ghoul?" she questioned. 

Ghoul laughed. "A desert name, that's what kind. It's the kind of name you use when you wanna be unique. No one in the Desert has an actual name. We all just figure out what words fit and make 'em into names for ourselves. Better Living doesn't let names have meanings, so our names do." 

November nodded. "Let me think about it," she said. 

Ghoul shook his head. "No thinking. Us 'joys don't do much of that. There isn't time. Here, I'll give you the first word. How about Neon?" 

The girl nodded hesitantly. "Sure. And the second word can be… " 

Ghoul watched as she looked up at the night sky, scanning for something. "Neon Lithium," she said finally, looking back down. "Is it good?"

Ghoul couldn't help but grin. "That's punk as hell, kid. I love it. Welcome to the killjoys, Neon Lithium."


	2. Nothing's Fair In Love And War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the Fab 4 make an appearance. Fun Ghoul and Party Poison have an important conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to use italics in this chapter, apologies if the formatting messed up.

When they arrived at the station, Party Poison was awake and ready to reprimand. "Ghoulie! Don't tell me ya brought another city rat for us to look after?" 

Ghoul sighed. "She ain't no rat, Party. She's clean. And _you_ won't have to do anything. I'll take care of 'er." 

"I'll hold you to that, Fun Ghoul. C'mere, I wanna take a closer look at you," Poison said, beckoning Ghoul with a crooked finger.

Ghoul grinned and hopped out of the car, not bothering to open the door. Neon followed suit, landing carefully and noiselessly, the way someone who was used to staying in the dark would. Ghoul stood in front of Poison, letting the cherry-haired killjoy inspect him for injury. Finally, Poison stepped back, satisfied. "At least ya didn't hurt yourself, Ghoul. Meet me on the roof in 10, or I'm breaking up with you." 

And with that, the leader of the Fabulous Killjoys was gone, scrambling their way up the side of the Diner. Ghoul turned to Neon, who looked confused. "Was that… your girlfriend?" she asked hesitantly. 

Ghoul tried his best not to sound angry when he said, "Poison ain't my girlfriend. They're non-binary, so they ain't anyone's girlfriend." 

Neon didn't look like she understood, and though Ghoul knew it wasn't her fault that BLI didn't respect non-binary indentities and didn't let anyone use non-binary pronuons, he was begininning to get annoyed. "Look, everything in Bat City is black and white. Male or female. Better Living or dead. I understand that's how you grew up, but out here in the desert, we're more about the colors. You don't have to understand everyone's identity, just respect people. Poison wants to be referred to with they/them pronouns, and that's that. All you gotta do is use the right words."

Neon nodded. "Understood. But you two are together, right?" 

Ghoul smiled. "Yeah, we are. On and off for the past few years. They're theatrical as all hell, but they don't mean it. You'll see. Now c'mon inside and meet the others."

Inside the diner, Jet Star was awake and chatting with Cherri Cola. Pony had collapsed on one of the diner booth's benches, already snoring. They must've been real tired from the run. Another 'joy, who Ghoul recognized as Poison's young protegee Sunshine Rebel, was leaning against the wall and snoring softly. Kobra Kid, Poison's little brother, was sprawled out on the couch, head in Cola's lap, eyes half-shut. Dr. Death-Defying was probably putting the girl to sleep in the back room. "Hey, y'all. I brought a guest," Ghoul said as he and Neon entered the room.

"Yeah, we heard Poison yellin' at ya," Cola said loudly, and Kobra laughed, letting Ghoul know that he wasn't fully asleep yet.

"What's your name and pronouns, kid?" Jet asked, smiling warmly. 

"I'm… I'm Neon Lithium. And I'm a girl," Neon said, hesitantly. 

"Nice to meet ya, Neon. I'm Jet Star, but you can call me Jet. These two are Kobra Kid and Cherri Cola. Sleepin' on the job over there is Sunshine Rebel. And you already met Party Poison." 

Neon gave Jet a once over. Ghoul couldn't tell what was going on in her head. She had a good poker face, he noticed. Cola poked Kobra in the side, and he grunted. "Move," Cola hissed. "We have company." 

Rolling his eyes, Kobra sat up to make room for Ghoul to sit. "You tired, Lithium?" Cola asked.

"Yeah, a bit," the girl said, glancing at Sunshine, who had slid further down to the floor. 

"I'll get ya a blanket, then. Make yourself comfortable on the floor somewhere. Kobra and Cola 'ave the couch tonight," Jet said, standing up.

Neon went to the far corner, facing the main entrance, and shoved aside a few empty cans to make space for herself. "Is this okay?" she asked, looking to Ghoul for an answer.

"Yeah, should be fine. Tomorrow, we'll get you outfitted to look like a proper 'joy," Ghoul said, watching as the girl plopped down on the ground, relieved.  
"Goodnight, Lithium!" Kobra said loudly, and Cola shushed him. 

"She's tryin' to sleep, idiot," Cola said, though he wasn't much quieter. 

"Both of you, chill a little," Jet said as he re-entered the room. 

"Sorry, _mom_ ," Kobra and Cola said in unison, and resumed their bickering, though quieter.

Jet went around the room, covering each sleeping killjoy with a blanket before settling next to Ghoul on the couch. The idiot boyfriends were still arguing, and shushing each other. "New girl's drab. You sure she has it in her to be a 'joy?" Jet asked softly.

Ghoul nodded. "She doesn't look like much, but I found 'er in the city with a can of paint in hand. She was ready to jump me when I asked her about the City drugs. I think she's gonna do well here."

Jet nodded. "I trust your instincts, Ghoul, you know I do. It's just Poison I'm worried about. You know how they get."

Ghoul wanted desperately to be able to defend Poison, but Jet was right. Poison did have a tendency to get pissed when Ghoul rescued kids from the City and brought them out here. "I'm gonna talk to them. It'll be okay. I'll make it okay." 

At least, he hoped so. Phoenix Witch above, he hoped so. Ghoul had known Poison for eight years, and had been dating them for three, but the cherry haired 'joy was still a mystery to him. "Well," Jet said, snapping Ghoul out of his thoughts, "I should probably go. I promised Cobalt I'd see her tonight." 

Cobalt Moon, Jet's sister, was a free spirit. She ran with Cyber Ghost and the young 'joy Toxic Atom. Jet didn't see her often, so when he got the chance to, none of the 'joys were inclined to stop him. "See ya tomorrow, Jet. Keep running." 

Jet smiled. "Same to you. And good luck with Poison."

With that, the curly-haired killjoy was out the door, leaving Ghoul with Kobra and Cola, who had at some point stopped arguing and started making out. "You two are idiots, you know that, right?" Ghoul said, as he stood and strode to the back door of the Diner. 

"Hey, we're young and in love! You can't stop us!" Kobra yelled, and Cola giggled in agreement.

Ghoul didn't respond, just closed the door behind him as he stepped outside. He walked around to the stack of junk Poison had set up, a cleverly disguised staircase. Well, it was a staircase for Poison. Ghoul, who was a good few inches shorter, couldn't get himself into the roof. "Party! Help me!" he yelled, peeking over the edge of the roof. 

"You're right on time, Ghoulie," he heard Poison say from above. "Which is surprising, considering it's you."

Ghoul grinned up at them. "You thought I wouldn't make it? You're the best part of my day, Cherry Bomb. I wouldn't pass up seein' you if the world was ending." Party's nose wrinkled at the compliment.

"Listen to yourself, Ghoulie. You sound like Cola, bein' all sappy 'n shit. I'm still mad at you, and flattery doesn't work on me."

Ghoul raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Then Poison stuck their head out over the edge of the roof. "You need help?" they asked, barely suppressing a grin.  
Ghoul rolled his eyes. "Yes, I need help, Poison. You should know by now that the roof is not a good meeting place." 

Poison laughed. "It's good for _me_." 

"Yeah, well, y' ever think about anyone other than yourself?"

"Not often. Why?"

"Oh, shut up and help me get up there, you clown," Ghoul sighed, exasperated. 

Poison laughed again, but this time they reached down and gripped Ghoul's arms, pulling his torso over the lip of the roof. Then, Poison dropped their grip on Ghoul, and Ghoul flopped down onto the roof, legs still dangling off the edge. Poison was laughing at him, so Ghoul pulled himself up with his arms, awkwardly swinging his legs beside him. He stood, facing the red-haired idiot who was his everything. "Sit with me, Ghoulie," Poison said, scrambling over to the middle of the roof, where they'd lain out the nice blanket (in killjoy terms, the blanket with the least holes) and sitting down.

Ghoul followed after Poison, more cautiously, and settled himself next to them, arms wrapped around his legs. Poison bumped Ghoul with their shoulder. "Tell me about the new rat you found," Poison said.

Ghoul suppressed his annoyance at Poison referring to Neon as a rat and said, "She's tough. Used to bein' on the streets, though she's never seen a 'crow before. Thought I was one."

Poison giggled. "She thought _you_ were a 'crow? That is a strange thought."

Ghoul shrugged. "I think she saw the gun and panicked. She had a can of paint on 'er, she must've been up to no good."

Poison raised an eyebrow. "An artist, eh? Maybe I'll be able to get her some colors. Then, once she's outfitted, we can dump her with the-" Ghoul cut them off.

“She’s just a kid, Party. Let her run with us for a while. You let that tumbleweed Sunshine Rebel hang around, why can’t she?”

Poison rolled their eyes. “Rebel is useful. He’s smart and desert born. If we all dropped off the face of the earth, he’d survive. I don’t think you can say the same about that girl. How’s she gonna survive on her own if she can’t even escape the city without your help?” 

Ghoul glared at Poison. “First off, she has a name, and it’s Neon Lithium. Secondly, I don’t recall Rebel being all that useful when Kobra first found him, dehydrating alone in the desert. Thirdly, even if she didn’t get out on her own, Neon didn’t want to be in the City. Isn’t that enough reason to save her? Or does everyone have to be useful? Isn’t that what Better Living wants? A world where only the useful live?”

When Ghoul looked into Poison’s eyes, he knew he’d crossed a line. “Listen to me, _Fun Ghoul_.” Poison growled, their voice low and deadly. “I am _nothing_ like those bastards in the City. You’d never catch me ghostin’ anyone who wasn’t a Drac, and I’d definitely never fuckin’ force anyone to take pills. Don’t make comparisons you don’t mean."

Ghoul flinched back from Poison instinctively, their tone scaring him. You can trust them, Ghoul had to remind himself. "I'm sorry, Party. I shouldn't have said that. But why shouldn't I save kids from Better Living? It's helping our cause. I don't see any reason to leave them when it's so easy to get them out."

"It's simple enough for you to save them, you're right," Poison said, their voice tense in a way Ghoul didn't recognize.

He watched Poison closely, wondering if they were okay. Poison took a deep breath, and continued. "You can get them outta the City easy enough. But once they're in the desert, they're my responsibility. If they die, it's on me. Because I'm the leader."

Ghoul wanted to stop Poison, to calm them down, to reassure them, but they were rambling now, voice speeding up as their breath hitched. "When I first escaped, it was just me and Kobra. He was the only one I had to look after. Then there was you and Jet, and I thought, okay, I can protect three people, no problem. But then Kobra met Cola, and Dr. D, and we found the Girl, and then it was Pony and Sunshine and soon it was the whole desert looking up to me, depending one me, and I... I-" 

Poison was shaking now, their legs pulled to their chest, back hunched over. Ghoul inched closer to them, laying a cautious hand on their back. "Hey, it's gonna be okay, Cherry Bomb." 

"No, it's not!" Poison shouted, and Ghoul realized this was something that Poison had been hiding for a while. "I can't do this, Ghoulie. I'm a failure. I'm in over my head and I can't tell which way is up. I'm fucking _22 years old_. I don't know how to lead a revolution." 

Ghoul didn't know what to say. If you needed something blown up, he was your guy. If you wanted emotional help, though? It was better to go to Cola, or Jet, or anyone but him. But he had to try. For Poison, he had to try. 

"You don't need to protect everyone. You, me, Jet, all of us older 'joys, we have to share that job. And plus, the younger 'joys can learn to protect themselves. You're not in this alone, I promise. I'm here for you, Party. All of us are." 

Poison didn't respond, but they weren't shaking quite as much under Ghoul's palm, so he continued. "No leader ever does it alone. You've gotta have allies, people in your corner. People you can go back to at the end of the day and collapse around. People who are there to protect you. I can't imagine the pressure or the weight of what you're doing as leader. But I want you to know that I'm here for you, if you need it. I'm not a leader, or a talker, but I love you, Cherry Bomb. And I'll keep loving you as long as you need."

Poison didn't respond. They simply scooted closer to Ghoul, who opened his arms, pulling Poison close to his chest. They sniffled, burying their tear-stained face in Ghoul's shoulder. He let them, pain in his heart from seeing the one he loved hurting so much. _How did I not notice before?_ Ghoul thought to himself. _I'm a terrible boyfriend._

But then again, maybe not. Because though they stayed buried in Ghoul's arms, Poison's sobs were quieting, their breathing becoming more consistent. Ghoul laced the fingers of his left hand with Poison's right, and Poison looked up. 

"I love you, too, Ghoulie," they said, softly, and Ghoul let himself smile. He kissed Poison, softly and slowly, trying to convey everything he felt through one kiss: _I love you more than anything, you mean the world to me, I would travel to the end of the desert and back just to see you smile._ And when Poison kissed him back, Ghoul could feel their love for him, seeping through his skin and coursing through his veins, giving him a reason to carry on. Telling him that he was loved. 

Neither of them left the roof that night. Neither of them wanted the night to end. And that night, Poison and Ghoul fell asleep together, in each other's arms, not thinking of anything but each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @twilightlegacy13 on tumblr for beta reading this chapter! 
> 
> I know this one and the first chapter were a bit short, but chapter 3 is going to be quite long. I wanted to ease people into my writing/characters with shorter chapters before diving headfirst into the action and lengthy chapters. As a result, chapter 3 will probably be out in at least a week, maybe more. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! you can always contact me @rocknoutfrthdead on tumblr if you have questions or want to talk about the fic.


	3. The Misadventures of Cobalt Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neon Lithium begins life as a killjoy.

When November woke in the morning, she momentarily forgot where she was. In the early morning clatter of the Diner, she felt utterly lost. _You're not in the City anymore,_ she had to remind herself. 

November came from a home where quiet was key. Sneak on tiptoes, and no Scarecrow would find her. Be quiet, blend in. That was what Green had taught her. So waking up in a room full of strangers with bright hair and flashy clothes was more than strange. It was terrifying.

November wished she could just fade into the background. But that was impossible here. Every single person seemed to be fighting for attention, with their colorful outfits and colorful language. In the desert, November was beginning to see, being loud was a way of life. She wasn't sure she liked it. But this was what Green had told her to do. She had to adapt, to survive. She'd done it back in the City, she could do it here. 

"Hey kid, you're up!" someone yelled, and with a start, November realized they were talking to her.

She glanced around until she spotted a teenage guy with blonde hair wearing a bright red jacket waving at her. Kobra Kid, she remembered. But where was Fun Ghoul? The greasy-haired killjoy who'd gotten her out of the City? She had meant to thank him last night. Oh well, maybe Kobra knew where Ghoul had gone.

"Morning, Kobra," she said from the floor, trying to sound confident. 

"We don't have all day, Lithium," Kobra said, though she'd barely woken. 

She was momentarily confused by Kobra calling her Lithium, when she remembered the name she'd chosen: Neon Lithium. She would have to get used to that.

"Where's Fun Ghoul?" Neon asked.

Kobra shrugged. "He went out last night an' never came back. Don't worry, it happens all the time out here. And Poison's been gone too, so…" Kobra trailed off, giving Neon a knowing look.

Neon wrinkled her nose. "Gross."

Kobra laughed. "Listen, Lithium, lust in the city might be all about android girls and shame, but out here we love loud and we love proud. You'll come 'round eventually."

Neon bit her lip, wondering if Kobra was right. Back in the City, she'd never felt any attraction towards anyone, but maybe that would change. _Maybe love only exists in the desert,_ she thought hopefully. Something she'd given up on might be possible out here. Without BLI's influence, maybe she'd finally figure out what was so great about sex and romance. Sure, she'd never been on the pills, but maybe the very essence of the City dampened that part of her. 

"Well, anyway, since Poison ain't here, it's my job to get ya lookin' like a proper 'joy. Let's go get some color on ya," Kobra said.

Neon followed Kobra down a dimly lit hallway, which was much quieter than the rest of the Diner. They passed by a closed door, and from within Neon could hear the wailing of a small child. "What's that crying? You have babies out here?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh, that's just the Girl. She's the youngest one out here, so we try to take care of 'er. I think Cola's lookin' after her now." 

Neon had a lot of questions, like where were the girl's parents? Did she have a name? But she kept her questions to herself. Kobra led her to a decrepit cabinet at the end of the hallway. Inside, it was a complete mess. 

Cans of temporary hair dye and spray paint were strewn around, many of them leaking color. The shelves were overflowing with clothing, all in bright neon colors. There were jeans with gaping holes, leather jackets with random metallic spikes, glittery masquerade masks, t-shirts with the sleeves or stomach cut off, and various other clothes that would definitely be banned in the City. The door of the cabinet was covered in small baskets, which contained make up in outrageously bright colors, bits of flashy jewelry, and a bunch of loose threads and sewing needles. 

"Here ya are. The Closet. Choose whatever you like. Only one outfit for now, though. We don't have unlimited resources." Kobra said, and then walked off.

Neon wanted to ask him more questions, or at least have him there to help her figure out what clothes were decent and which would get her ridiculed, but Kobra was gone. Sighing, Neon turned back to the messy cabinet, pawing through the clothes for something suitable.

In the end, she came up with a plain black t-shirt, tattered pale blue jeans, and a worn leather jacket. Simple, but she didn't want to stand out.

When Neon made her way back to the main room, she noticed Fun Ghoul was back, and standing beside him was the red haired killjoy called Party Poison. "Neon," Ghoul said as she approached. "Kobra got you situated?" 

She nodded. "What do you have?" Poison asked, and snatched the jacket from her. "Huh. Think this is one of Dr. D's old jackets. Nice. Bit drab, though. We oughta color it up a bit. What do you think, Ghoulie?"

Ghoul glanced sideways at Neon. "I think it's her choice, Party," he said, and Poison rolled their eyes. 

"For someone with Fun in their name, you're kinda a bore, Ghoulie. This 'fit is no good. You need some more color, something that'll make you stand out. Jeans and a jacket won't cut it."

Neon felt a little wounded by Poison's words, but she said nothing. "Follow me, Neon. I'll help you out. It's what I'm best at," said Poison, and they hurried back towards the closet, holding Neon's chosen clothes in their arms.

"Are they always like this?" Neon asked Ghoul, who shrugged.

"This may be partially my fault," he admitted. "I told Poison to be nicer to new 'joys, and this is their way of being nice. Just go along. Oh, and be warned, they're probably gonna want to dye your hair." 

With that, Ghoul turned on his heel and left, leaving Neon panicking. _Oh Destroya, not my hair_ , she thought, shuddering. 

She followed after Poison all the same, hoping and praying that what Ghoul had said wouldn't be true.

Poison opened the cabinet doors with a flourish. "What's your favorite color?" they asked.

"Ummm… purple?" Neon said, unsure of what Poison was up to. 

"Alright," they said, while pawing through cans of paint. 

Finally, Poison's head came up triumphantly, grasping a can of purple spray paint in each hand. "You need a symbol. Something recognizable. A trademark, if you will. We all have 'em." 

"What's yours?" she asked.

"The hair, obviously. Kobra's known for his helmet, Jet for his jacket, and Ghoul for his height." 

Neon couldn't tell if that last one was serious or not. "I guess I could do something with the jacket? Like, paint something on the back?"

Poison smiled encouragingly at her. "You done a lot of paintin'?" they asked. 

Neon's fists clenched at her sides. _Don't admit anything_ , her mind screamed. She fought against her instincts. She thought, trying to push back the wave of fear. "Yeah, I used to vandalize shit in Battery City. The paints were all black and white, but I think I did a pretty good job. Nothing crazy, but enough to annoy the City maintenance crews." 

Poison grinned. "Ghoulie said you were a fighter."

Neon nodded uncomfortably, not sure how to respond. 

"Okay, let's go outside. We don't want the paint fumes to get trapped in here or whatever."

Poison led Neon outside into the desert. "You can do your paintin' out here. I'll be back in a sec." 

Neon was then left alone, standing in the beating sun with a jacket and two cans of purple spray paint. She lay the jacket out on the sand, wondering vaguely if the paint would take to the leather. As she studied the jacket, Ghoul wandered over. "Hey, kid. How's it goin'?"

Neon gave Ghoul a hopeless glance. "I have no idea what to paint," she said.

"Hmm. How 'bout a skull an' crossbones?" Ghoul suggested.

"A what?"

"It's an old symbol. Pre-Analog Wars. Used by a group called the Pirates, who weren't too different from us Killjoys. 'S far as I know, they used to travel around and steal from folks, the government, businesses, takin' shit and getting rich. I like to think that if I'd been born a long time ago I'd have been one."

"Cool. But what does the skull and crossbones look like?" 

"It's in the name, Lithium. A skull with two bones crossed underneath."

Neon considered it. The idea was pretty badass, and Neon figured she could pull it off. She shook up the can of paint, seeing the skull and crossbones in her mind's eye. She breathed in, deeply, and removed the lid from the paint can. Starting a graffitti job was almost like a ritual to her, having done it since she was young. Ghoul stood beside her, watching with casual interest. Neon exhaled and let her arm lead her.

When Neon had finished, she stepped back, allowing herself to survey her work. The jaw of the skull could've been better, and there were a lot of drips because she'd freehanded it, but all in all she was satisfied. Ghoul, who'd watched the whole thing, whistled. "Very nice, Neon."

Neon grinned, soaking up the praise. "Thanks."

As they stood, waiting for the paint to dry, Poison came running from the Diner door. "Ghoulie! We need to suit up. Get the kid a gun."

"What's the situation?" Ghoul asked.

"It's Jet. He's been gone all too long, and Dr. D just reported a huge squad of Dracs headed down to Cobalt's base."

"Shit. Ya think they know Jet's out there?"

"Exactly. I think Better Living knew about Cobalt, and have probably been waiting to make their move. They know they can't take us all out, so they're tryin' to pick us off one by one."

"Shit," Ghoul said again. "Jet took the AM, so I'll need to hotwire something. 'S Kobra staying behind?"

"Yeah. You know he wouldn't leave Cola, an' it's better anyway if all four of us aren't away from base at once. Rebel's coming with us, though. Between us and Cobalt's crew, we should be able to beat the Dracs, but I want Neon along just in case. Extra firepower is extra firepower, no matter how inexperienced."

Neon watched the exchange with a mixture of confusion and awe, seeing how the two killjoys slipped into their battle personas. These were the Fabulous Killjoys of notoriety, the ones whispered about in the dark alleys of Battery City. Even as they talked, Poison was checking the battery on their gun, and Ghoul was tying his bandana around his face. _Will I become like them,_ Neon wondered, _if I stay in this desert?_

"Go grab somethin' from the closet to cover your face. Don't want BLI havin' your features on record. Meet out 'ere in five. And change outta that gross 'fit," Poison commanded, and Neon obeyed, scooping up her newly painted jacket. 

Neon made her way to the closet, pulled out the jeans and t-shirt that she'd picked before, and hurriedly got dressed. She fished a plain white surgical mask out of the messy pile of masks and strapped it across her nose and mouth. As an afterthought, she snatched up cans of paint and shoved them into the deep pockets of her jacket. _Who knows, they might come in handy,_ she thought. Finally dressed, though not exactly ready, Neon rushed outside to meet the others.

It was minutes later when Ghoul pulled up beside the Diner with a hotwired car and a Better Living-issue blaster for Neon. "Hop in, y'all. We're headed out to Cobalt's base. Hopefully we get there before the Dracs." 

Poison opened the driver's side door and shoved Ghoul aside, forcing Ghoul to awkwardly maneuver himself to the passenger seat. Neon climbed into the back seat of the car, and was soon after joined by Sunshine Rebel. The other killjoy had bleached blonde hair, and was wearing a tattered green dress shirt with a bright orange bowtie. His pants were faded dark grey jeans, and he had a mask like Poison’s tied around his face, colored pink and orange. Neon could feel Rebel’s eyes on her, giving her a once-over. “Why’s the newbie coming with us?” he asked, tone haughty. “Can’t Kobra come instead?”

“Cola doesn’t fight, and someone needs to protect him an’ the Girl. We need fighters. Neon’s not much, but she’s what we got. You’ll just have to deal.”

Neon felt her cheeks heat at Poison’s words. She felt suddenly grateful that it took a lot more than slight embarrassment for color to show on her brown skin. 

“I have faith in her,” Ghoul said, shooting Poison a glance. “Now d’ you mind showin’ Neon how to’ shoot?”

“She doesn’t even know how to _shoot?_ ” Rebel said incredulously.

“That’s why you need to teach her, genius,” Ghoul said, rolling his eyes.

Neon noted how the boy’s pale freckled cheeks flushed a blotchy red at Ghoul’s words. 

“Ya just point the blaster at a Drac and pull the trigger. It ain’t rocket science,” Rebel said, sounding deeply annoyed.

“What’s a drac?” Neon asked.

Rebel looked even more frustrated, if that was possible. “It’s short for Draculoid. Do I need to explain what they are, too?”

Neon looked away, refusing to say something that would give Rebel more reason to ridicule her. She didn’t know why he was so hostile, but Neon had more pressing matters to think about. Like the plain white gun Ghoul had handed her. Neon had never gotten her hands on a real weapon like this back in Battery City. It had always been a dream of hers, one of those dark dreams you keep locked in the back of your mind, to blast a Better Living enforcer into oblivion. It looked like she would get that chance soon enough.

A few minutes passed, Ghoul and Poison singing along to the CD that had been in the car they’d stolen, oblivious to the tension between the two young ‘joys in the back seat. “Hey, tomorrow, FUCK YOU! And your friend yesterday,” they sang, and Neon couldn’t help but grin. The way these killjoys kept singing and stayed happy, even in the face of a potentially bloody battle, lifted her spirits. 

Rebel, on the other hand, was not fitting into Neon’s idyllic view of the killjoys. He was sulking, glaring angrily into the corner. “What’re you lookin’ at?” he hissed at her, and Neon recoiled, embarrassingly aware that she’d been staring. 

“Hey, Sunshine, calm down back there,” Poison drawled. 

“Why did you have to bring me along? You know that he runs with Cobalt. I could’ve stayed behind with Cola!” Rebel burst, new emotion filling his words. 

Neon didn’t know who he was, but now didn’t seem like a good time to ask. Meanwhile, Poison just rolled their eyes. “You and Toxic blow things way out of proportion. Ghoul and I broke up maybe twelve times in the past three years and we still managed to run together.”

“Speak for yourself, Party. I could barely stop myself from “accidentally” destroying your stupid pegasus jacket after the fourth time,” Ghoul said, laughing. 

The way the two of them spoke to each other, full of fondness and inside jokes, made Neon’s heart ache, just a little bit. How lucky did they get, she wondered, to have found each other in all of this mess? The world they lived in was dark as midnight, and yet Ghoul and Poison managed to find light in each other. 

Neon was shaken from her pondering by Ghoul’s shouting. “JET! COBALT!” 

He was halfway out of the window, waving his arms over his head. In the distance, Neon could see some brightly colored blobs, which she assumed were Jet and his sister. “Thank the Witch we got here before the Dracs,” Poison muttered, and Neon mouthed her own silent thanks to Destroya.

Jet and a blue-haired killjoy Neon assumed must be Cobalt were running towards the car, with two other killjoys following behind. “Ghoul? What are you doing?” Jet said, as he paused to catch his breath.

“The Dracs. They found out where you are. According to D, they’re not far out. We need to-” Ghoul was cut off by the sound of gunfire. Neon whipped around, holding up her gun. The rest of the killjoys were quick to react, Poison and Rebel already out of the car and firing. “How did we not hear them coming?” one of Cobalt’s companions yelled. They had long, jet black hair with the top bleached pure white. “I don’t know! They must’ve amped up their engine silencers!” Poison shouted back, while firing on the Dracs. 

The shooting was loud and surrounded Neon on all sides. She hadn’t anticipated this much noise. Somehow, in her mind, battle was an abstract thing, something that just sort of happened to people who weren't her. She hadn’t expected to get thrust into it like this. She wondered if anyone would notice if she just ducked down under the car seat and hid.

Just then, an arm reached through the window and grabbed her by the collar of her jacket, pulling her up. She looked up into the terrifying mask of a Draculoid.

In that split second, as the Drac raised its gun to Neon’s head, a million thoughts shot through her mind. _Is this how I die? Destroya, this can’t be the way I die._ The Drac had its finger on the trigger. She had only a split second to save herself. Neon reached to her pocket and withdrew a can of paint, and pushed down, desperately hoping the nozzle was pointing in the Drac’s face and not hers. 

Instantly, a cloud of orange paint filled the air and hit the Drac directly in the face. The Drac screamed in pain, dropping its gun. Neon scrambled for her own blaster, raising it. Before she had time to think, she was pulling the trigger, just like Rebel had said. The blast rang out and hit the Drac in the chest, sending its body crumpling to the ground. Neon didn’t have time to register what she’d done. She simply shoved open the car door and scrambled out, stepping over the dead body of the Drac she’d killed, and ran towards the other killjoys.

When the dust settled and the Dracs were dead, the seven killjoys regrouped by the Trans AM, which was parked not far away. Neon sat on the ground nearby, overwhelmed. She'd just shot a whole bunch of people dead. People who were after her, sure, but people nonetheless. She hadn't quite expected it to feel like this.

She knew life was sacred; she'd expected to feel some level of grief after killing. She just hadn't expected it to be so easy. When the time came and she was forced to fight, she'd been completely okay with the act of killing. Almost numbed. It wasn't until after the dust settled that she realized the full scope of what she'd done.

Neon pressed her palms into her eyes, trying not to cry. _Be strong. Like the rest of them are._ She glanced up through watery eyes at the other killjoys. Ghoul was sitting on the hood of the AM, Poison's hand on his shoulder. Jet was grinning at something Cobalt had said. Rebel was desperately trying to hide from the boy with multi-colored hair who was part of Cobalt's gang. They all seemed like a strange family on a picnic in the desert, not a bunch of killers who'd just exterminated twenty other human beings three minutes ago. 

Neon turned back to herself. She wondered idly if she would eventually become like them, so numb to killing she'd be able to start having petty breakup drama minutes later. , she thought. 

Neon was so absorbed in her own thoughts that she didn't notice Ghoul's glance of concern, nor did she notice when he started walking over to her. She only looked up when he sat on the ground beside her, pulling his knees to his chest.

Neon opened her mouth to give an excuse for her tears, but Ghoul started talking instead. "I remember the first time I had to kill a Drac," Ghoul started. Neon sat silently, getting the sense that this was the start of a story.

"I don't remember how I got out of the City; all I know is that I was really young and that I was on my own. Surviving alone in the Desert comes at a cost. I lost everything that made me human in order to live. By the time the first Drac came for me, I was basically an animal. I- I went fully feral on her. There's not much I remember about the days before Party found me, but I remember that. I bit, scratched, kicked, until she wasn't moving anymore. Then I puked my guts all over her body and ran away. I was so far gone I didn't even think to take her gun.

"I don't know how long I wandered the desert after that. I don't even know if I killed anyone else in that time. Most of my past, I've forgotten. There was a name for the type of forgetting I experience, back before Better Living decided forgetting wasn't a bad thing. It was called dissociative amnesia. Basically it means some really bad shit happened to me, so bad that my mind repressed it to keep me sane. And I'm one of the lucky ones.

"Cola can't even hold a gun without it bringing back memories of the Analog Wars. He lived through them, but sacrificed too much in order to do so. There are others who, as the violence got too much for them, turned to radiation waves and alcohol to numb the pain. Others, like Mad Gear, go completely crazy and start to think they're special, just so they don't have to think about the horrible things they've done. 

"You might be wondering why I'm telling you all this. I don't want to scare you off from fighting, Neon. I just… I want ya to know what the edge looks like, so that if you find yourself going there, you can call out for help. Party brought me back from the edge by treatin' me like a human being even when I wasn't thinking like one. I owe them a life's debt, and part of the way I choose to repay that debt is by helpin' kids like you. I've lived out here long enough to learn a lot, but livin' is only half the battle. The other half is making sure the things I've learned live beyond my lifetime."

Neon didn't say anything. She simply let herself cry. Ghoul was silent beside her but he was there, and that alone comforted Neon. "I-I still… it's a lot to process," she stuttered, trying to even her breathing. "Taking a life, even if I know it was the only thing to do…" 

Ghoul nodded. "I understand," he said. "I can't tell you it gets easier but… it does become more normal, after a while."

Neon desperately hoped so. This killing wasn't something she wanted to keep doing, but for her own survival, she had to adapt. Had to make sure she stayed alive, that she could make a life for herself as a desert revolutionary. She closed her eyes, faintly aware of Ghoul's shoulder pressed against hers, hearing the faint murmur of the others conversing. Neon didn't feel good, exactly, but she felt like she would get better.

Then, in a terrible turn of events, Neon's peace came crashing down. There was a blaster shot, followed by a scream. Instantly, Ghoul was on his feet beside her. Neon opened her eyes to see one of the Dracs, fallen but not dead, had gotten its hands on a blaster and had shot at someone. She barely had time to take in the scene when six guns went off at once, every killjoy except Neon reacting quickly and instinctively to the threat.

Wait. Not every killjoy. Neon realized. Who was missing? She scanned the group. Poison still stood, alongside Jet, both of their blasters raised, while Rebel and the boy with multicolored hair who must be Toxic were lurking further away, lowering their guns. The other killjoy with black and white hair was also holding a blaster. So who had been the one to not shoot? 

Neon hurried towards the others. Once she got closer, she realized what had happened. Cobalt Moon, Jet's sister, had been hit. Neon could see Jet and the black and white haired killjoy crouched over her body. Cobalt had taken the hit right in the chest, and it was bleeding badly, as well as smoking faintly, the scent of burning flesh making Neon feel sick. Jet was digging through his medkit, searching for bandages, while the other killjoy looked on in impatience. Finally, Jet held up the bandages triumphantly. "Move outta the way, Cyber. I need space." 

The killjoy with black and white hair who must be Cyber begrudgingly obeyed, backing away. Jet peeled back the scraps of Cobalt's blue and black striped shirt to examine the wound. "Don't die on me, Moon," he whispered. 

Though Neon didn't know much about wounds and healing, even she could tell that Cobalt's chances of living were slim. Cobalt seemed to recognize this too, because when Jet reached down to clean out the wound she lifted her arm to stop him. "Star. I ain't gonna make it. Save your bandages for someone who'll need 'em." 

Jet shook his head frantically. "C'mon, there's gotta be a way for me to save you. It's not too late. You need to keep running, remember?" 

Cobalt looked to be in extreme pain as she grunted, "No. I can't be saved. It's time for me… to stop running… "  
"NO!" yelled Cyber, running back to Cobalt's side. "No, c'mon Cobalt, don't leave me. You know I can't live without you."

"Cy, listen to me. I love you. Don't-" she stopped then, the last spark of life extinguished as her eyes went glassy. 

Cyber wailed, holding Cobalt's limp body close. Jet sat on the ground nearby, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. 

Minutes passed, the rest of the killjoys giving Jet and Cyber their space to grieve. Though she hadn't known Cobalt, Neon felt the loss deep within her. She knew what it was like to lose someone you loved. Ghoul and Poison were standing beside each other, Poison's arm across Ghoul's shoulders, pulling him close. Rebel and the third killjoy of Cobalt's entourage were watching the scene in shock.

Cyber was the first to speak. "This is your fault! If she weren't the sister of one of the Fab Four, she wouldn't be dead!" 

"Ghost, we can't-" the third killjoy interjected, but Cyber cut him off. "Toxic, shut up. As for the rest of you, get out of here. Stay in your part of the Desert and try not to kill what's left of my family, okay?"

Jet glared at Cyber, eyes red, but he obeyed, standing to join Ghoul and Poison. "Let us take her mask, at least," Ghoul reasoned, and Cyber looked ready to punch him. Before Cyber could start a fight, however, Toxic stepped between them. "Take her mask." he said. To Cyber, he reasoned, "Jet's her sister. She would've wanted to leave him with something."

Cyber gave Jet a look like poison, but stepped aside and let him remove the mask. Jet slipped the silver and black mask from Cobalt's face carefully, laying a parting kiss on his sister's forehead. He then stalked off towards the Trans AM, not glancing back once. Ghoul, Poison, and Rebel followed him. 

Neon took one last glance at Cyber and Toxic, who stood shoulder to shoulder over Cobalt's body, and then followed after Ghoul, wondering how long she could last out here before death came for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! We finally got a taste of most of the Nuclear Spectrum members in this chapter.
> 
> I'm super excited to continue writing with Sunshine, Toxic and Cyber. Check out by danger days side blog @ne0n-lithium for some more info about them. 
> 
> If you enjoyed, please leave a comment! I love hearing feedback on my fics.
> 
> Thank you @twilightlegacy13 and @unfortunately-a-mortal on Tumblr for all the help beta reading!


	4. Sugar, Honey, Ice, and Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghoul has some classic dumbass™ thoughts because of course he does.
> 
> Chapter title from the Bring Me The Horizon song of the same name because it's a good song and sorta fits the chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok really quick I want to give a HUGE shout out to @leo-jg on tumblr for making art of Neon Lithium. I never expected my art to inspire someone else's and it's surreal to see. anyway go check them out they're awesome. Anyway on with the chapter!

Back at the diner, Ghoul sent Neon and Rebel outside for target practice. Once they were out of earshot, he turned to face the others. Jet, Poison, Kobra, Cola, Dr. D, and Pony were all gathered around, faces grim. "I'm sorry to hear about Cobalt Moon, kid. It wasn't her time." Dr. D said, breaking the silence.

Jet shrugged helplessly. "She's with the Witch now," Poison said. "Or she will be, when Cola's done with the funeral rites."

Cola nodded somberly. Funerals for killjoys were a hodgepodge of pre-Analog traditions, all sorts of things that Ghoul had heard about from the past. Though there were no actual graveyards or cemeteries in the Zones, the dead were still honored with offerings that were supposed to guide the Phoenix Witch to their souls. Some 'joys had their belongings burned, the smoke supposedly carrying them beyond Better Living's satellites and into the next life. Among their group, Cola was generally the one trusted with figuring out how to honor those who died.

“Jet, I won’t be so stupid to ask if you’re okay right now. But if you need us, we’re all here,” Kobra said, and the others nodded.

Jet didn’t look up. His eyes were downcast, and he gripped Cobalt’s mask with clenched fists. Ghoul knew Jet was better than the rest of them at hiding things: he’d learned that from Cobalt. To see him be so openly sad broke Ghoul’s heart. He desperately wanted to make things better, but he had no clue how. So Ghoul just did the only thing he could think of doing: stepped towards Jet and wrapped his arms around the taller killjoy, hugging him tight. Jet’s muscles were tense, and his arms still dangled at his sides, but Ghoul held on.

He pressed his face into Jet’s jacket, wishing he could remove all the hurt from his friend. Behind him, Ghoul heard footsteps, and then felt first Cola, then Kobra’s arms wrap around him and Jet. There was the sound of rolling wheels, and Pony joined the mix. Then, the squeak of Dr. D’s wheelchair as he moved close to the group. Poison was the last to join, and Ghoul felt their hesitant touch on his back before they completed the group.

They stayed like that for a while, no one wanting to break away and face the outside world, until finally Jet spoke, muffled by his friends, "I'm being suffocated in here."

His voice quavered, but at least he was speaking. Ghoul felt the others move away and released his hold on Jet. "We love you, Jet Star," Pony said, and Jet looked touched. Pony hardly ever spoke, so when they did, you knew their words were genuine. 

"I'll be okay, guys. Thanks," Jet said. "I just need some time…. If it's alright with you, Poison, I wanna lay low for a bit."

"Of course, Jet. You can fight when you're ready."

Jet sat down on the worn old couch, and the others dispersed. Dr. D and Cola were preparing a eulogy for Cobalt Moon, to be aired later that night. Ghoul sat across from Poison and Kobra in the Diner booth. "I can't believe Cobalt's gone. Her, Ghost, and Toxic always seemed so invisible, so hidden,” Kobra said quietly.

“I can’t believe Ghost blew up at Jet like that. I mean, xe was Cobalt’s partner and all, but if anyone should’ve known how much Jet and Cobalt mean to each other, it should be xem,” Poison said.

“I think xe had a point,” Ghoul said softly. 

“Oh, c’mon Ghoul. You can’t have started down that train of thought. Our reputation offers more protection than it harms people,” Poison said. 

“I guess.” Ghoul said. But he couldn’t stop thinking about the look in Neon’s eyes when the fallen Drac began shooting. The fear he’d managed to help her work through had been back in an instant. How was he supposed to actually, permanently help her? There were plenty of people in the desert who could do that job much better than Ghoul could. 

He looked up to Poison, secretly hoping they’d offer some sort of reassurance, but they were busy talking with Kobra. Ghoul realized with a pang of guilt how seeing Jet loose his sibling couldn’t be good for Kobra and Poison. The two worried about each other enough without the effects of recently watching one of their closest friends lose his sister. 

“I better go check on the Girl,” Kobra said, getting up to leave. “Break the news to her gently, okay? Cobalt was always nice to her,” Poison said, and Kobra rolled his eyes. “What, you expected me to be cold with her? She’s a kid, Poison. I know how kids work.”

Kobra left, leaving Ghoul and Poison alone together in silence. “I can take over some of Jet’s duties, if you need me to.” Ghoul said, and Poison looked up in surprise. “You sure? Don’t you wanna be here to help Neon get settled?”

Ghoul winced at Poison’s words. He _did_ want to help Neon, but at this point it seemed like the best way to do that would be to let her look up to someone else. _I can’t be her mentor when I can hardly keep her out of danger for a minute._ “Nah, someone else can take care of her. You know that talking isn't my thing, Party. Neither is teaching. I’m sure you’ll manage with her. You’re a textbook revolutionary.”

Poison gave Ghoul a skeptical glance, but didn’t protest. “Whatever you think’s best, Ghoulie. I’m relying on you.”

Ghoul felt slightly bad for using Jet’s recovery time as an excuse for getting out of looking out for Neon, especially after his whole speech to Poison the previous night, but then again, he hadn’t explicitly said he would help Neon with _everything_. He could still teach her to shoot and to drive. He just didn’t want to be the person she depended on.

“What’s Jet responsible for usually, anyway?” Ghoul asked.

“I can’t believe you don’t know your own team member’s job. He’s usually the one who searches for supplies in the desert, remember? Him and Cola.”

“Of course. I can do that, definitely. We can just suspend our next couple of City raids until Jet feels better.”

Ghoul and Pony were the only killjoys who ever worked on raids in Bat City. Poison and Kobra had too many bad memories associated with it, while Cola and Jet were both desert borns who refused to go anywhere near the City. Ghoul and Pony were both city-borns who’d escaped because it was a better option, not because it was the only option, like Poison and Kobra had done. Ghoul didn’t know their full story, but he knew Poison refused to speak of their life in the City. That was enough of a reason for Ghoul to stay away from the topic.

“Okay, sounds like a plan. I wouldn’t want to send Pony in there all by themself. We can get by without the city raids for a few weeks. Kobra and Rebel will just have to build their gadgets out of whatever shit we have lying around.”

Ghoul nodded, gratefully slipping into the regular conversations of resources and survival. Talking about emotions was nice and all, but it still wasn’t Ghoul’s area of expertise. He was probably better at being Poison’s assistant than he was being Poison’s boyfriend. 

Later that evening, the group gathered together to eat outside under the stars. It was always warm in the desert, even at night, so the temperature wasn’t a problem. Jet took his food inside to eat, while the others tried to give him space by electing to stay outdoors for the night.

Ghoul sat beside Poison, who had their arm around him. He tried to avoid looking Neon in the eyes when he said he’d be taking over Jet’s duties for the time being.   
Cola grinned at Ghoul’s announcement. “Finally, we get to spend some time together!” Kobra elbowed Cola in the side, hard. “Oh, stop it, Kobra, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I don’t know anything,” Kobra sniffed defensively, but he was doing a bad job of hiding his grin. 

Ghoul forced a laugh at Kobra’s antics, unable to stop worrying about Neon. _Leaving her alone is the best thing for her. You aren’t meant to be a leader_ , he reminded himself. 

The night wasn’t full of the regular cheer the killjoys had after a successful clap, but everyone still managed to put on their brave faces. As morbid as it sounded, death was normal to the whole group. Though it didn’t often come for people so close to the Fab 4, killjoys the gang knew were always being dusted left and right. 

Even the Girl, quieter than usual after learning that her Auntie Cobalt would never come back, was more or less back to normal after an hour or so of killjoy campfire stories. Aside from Jet’s absence, life for the Fab 4 was pretty much back to normal.

Ghoul found this quite a bit disturbing. Then he decided not to think too much about it, and accepted the flask of whiskey from Kobra. He wasn’t usually one for drowning his problems in alcohol, but this was a special case. 

If Neon Lithium said anything to Ghoul that night, he didn’t remember. All he really recalled was the flickering flames of their cooking fire and Poison peeling his fingers from the flask, their expression conveying annoyance that masked a deeper concern. Ghoul fell asleep soon after that, passed out in the sand. 

The next morning, Ghoul woke with a terrible headache, but pressed it down as he made his way to the Trans AM. Cola came out of the Diner minutes later, seemingly surprised that Ghoul was up. “Hey, Ghoul. Poison’s in the Diner, they said-” 

“I don’t fucking care what Poison said. We have a job to do,” Ghoul said, his voice raspy.

Cola looked at Ghoul with concern. “You alright, buddy?”

Ghoul glanced over at the other killjoys still sleeping outside: Kobra, the Girl, Rebel, and Neon, all of them lying peacefully underneath the slowly rising sun. “I’m fine, Cola. I just wanna get out of here. I can talk to Poison later, but they know both of us have more important things to do today.” Cola looked skeptical, but he shrugged. “You’re right, we do have a lot to do. You wanna drive, or should I?”

Ghoul smiled gratefully at Cola. “I’ll drive. Where are we off to first?”

As they drove away, Ghoul glanced from the corner of his eye Neon Lithium, sleepy head raised, watching the Trans AM drive off. She waved at Ghoul, the hint of a smile tugging at the edge of her mouth. Ghoul forced his eyes back on the road. _It’s for the best_ , he told himself. If only he could make himself believe that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so short (and painful too). Next chapter is going to be long, possibly the longest yet? so I wanted to give myself and my readers a bit of a break between long chapters. Not to say this chapter isn't important, it's _very_ important. 
> 
> thanks to the amazing @unfortunatly-a-mortal on tumblr for beta reading this chapter! 
> 
> If you liked this chapter or this fic in general don't be afraid to comment on here or over on my tumblr @rocknoutfrthdead. I love hearing feedback on my work, rambling or short or whatever. thanks for reading!


	5. Heart Attack in (Purple) Hair Dye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poison decides to dye Neon's hair. 
> 
> Sunshine Rebel is there too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some trigger warnings for the chapter:  
> \- PTSD / traumatic flashbacks  
> \- suicidal thoughts + mentions of suicide

Inside the Diner, Neon ate a breakfast of slightly stale cereal off a plastic plate while Kobra and Poison argued. “I _told_ Cola to tell Ghoul to meet you in the Diner this morning! It’s not my fault your boyfriend’s moody,” Kobra yelled, and Poison rolled their eyes.

“More like _your_ boyfriend is forgetful. Ghoul and I are fine!”

“Oh yeah? Maybe you should’ve let Ghoul know. Did you see how he was drinking last night? He’s obviously mad at you.”

“Don’t tell me my business, loser. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You an’ Cola have only been together for like a month.”

“What are you trying to say? We’re gonna break up?”

“No! It’s just, I mean, you two haven’t been through shit together yet. You can’t lecture me about my relationship when yours is hardly a month old.”

Kobra snorted. “I don’t need to have experience to be able to see how Ghoul was actin’ last night. Anyone could tell he was mad at _something_ , and usually when Ghoul’s mad at something he’s mad at you.”

“That’s not true! Rebel, tell him that’s not true.”

Rebel looked up from the vend-a-hack he was messing with. “Kobra’s right. You an’ Ghoul get heated more than anyone else ‘round here.”

Poison glared at Rebel, who shrugged and went back to whatever he was doing. “What about you, Neon? D’ ya think Ghoul was mad at me?” they asked, and Neon froze.  
“I don’t want to, um, I-I don’t wanna, uh, mess with your relationship or like-” she stammered, but Poison cut her off.

“See? She knows not to butt into other people’s personal lives.”

“You’re my _sibling_. I’m allowed to butt into your personal life.”

“Incorrect. Only the older sibling gets to be nosy. The younger sibling is supposed to shut up and do what the older sibling tells them to do.”

“Ghoul told me that those ideas stem from ancient ageist traditions!”

“You don’t know what any of those words mean!”

Kobra sighed. “I’m done. C’mon Rebel, we’ve got vending machines to hack.” He spun on his heel and strode to the door, not waiting for Rebel’s response.

Rebel slid out of the diner booth, shooting Poison a questioning glance. “You can go. You’re smarter than Kobra, anyway. He needs you.” Rebel grinned and bounded towards the door. “And give the binder a rest, Dr. Sunshine! We want you to be able to breathe,” Poison called after him.

Rebel lifted his middle finger at Poison and pushed open the door, following Kobra into the desert. Neon was left alone at the table with Poison, chewing her cereal self-consciously. “Did Ghoul say anything to you this morning, Lithium?” Poison asked her.

“Nope. I woke up and him and Cola were already gone,” she said. She thought about mentioning how she’d waved at Ghoul and he hadn’t waved back, but she didn’t want to sound too sensitive. He probably just hadn’t noticed her. 

Poison sighed, running their hands through their vibrant red hair. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Cola probably just forgot to tell ‘im to come in ‘ere.”

Neon nodded, unsure how she was supposed to respond. She was almost finished with her cereal, picking up the remaining few grains of popped rice one by one. “You need some water?” Poison asked. “I know from experience that cereal makes your mouth dry as the Radiation Belt. I have no idea why someone decided to make such a dry food, but there’s a ton of it out here.”

As Poison spoke, they walked across the room to where a few cases of bottled water were haphazardly pushed against the wall and grabbed one, throwing it across the room at Neon. She yelped and jumped back, and the bottle hit the table and rolled to the floor. “Sorry!” Neon said, and dove under the table to retrieve the bottle.

“C’mon, kid, ya gotta have better instincts than that,” Poison said, trying to suppress a grin.

“Sorry,” Neon said, crawling out from under the table. 

“Don’t apologize. I was just teasing.” 

“Oh. Sorry.”

“What did I _just_ say?”

Neon was about to apologize again but caught herself. She opted to sit silently on the floor, drinking her water.

Poison eventually left the room, announcing that they needed to get something “top secret”, leaving Neon alone in the cluttered Diner. There were random boxes of cereal, cans of beans, and cases of water bottles stacked on top of each other in piles that seemed ready to topple at any moment. Discarded batteries, paper plates, and plastic cups littered the ground. Neon picked at the aging paint on the floorboards absent-mindedly, peeling it off in small chunks.

Poison walked back into the room, dragging a battered folding chair with one hand and carrying a heavy-looking messenger bag in the other. “We’re dying your hair, Lithium. There’s not gonna be another chance for me to do this.”

Neon’s breath caught in her throat. “Uh… are you sure now is the best time? I mean, um, why not wait until tomorrow, or like next week, or-”

She was cut off by Poison shushing her. “No, no, no! We don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, or next week. Better to do this now.”

Neon swallowed. Ghoul had warned her this was coming. She breathed deeply, and rubbed her face with her hands. Unless there was a sudden attack from some Dracs, Poison wasn’t going to let this go. They were a determined and stubborn person, that much Neon could tell. She sighed and sent up a silent prayer. _Destroya, give me the strength to hide my past from them_. Then she picked herself off the floor, putting on a carefully blank expression.

“Fine, let’s do this. What’s the first step?” she asked.

“Well, first we gotta bleach your hair. Then we can dye it. You have a lot of hair, so I think I’ll do it in two parts. We’ll bleach and dye the bottom first, and then if we have time we’ll do the top.”

Neon nodded, secretly relieved. Hopefully the bleaching would take a while. She’d be able to find a way to cope with the inevitable dying of her hair. She sat in the chair while Poison mixed what they called developer with bleach powder. They wrapped a towel over her shoulders, and then began to paint the bleach onto the ends of her hair. Neon clenched her fists and tried not to think about her hair being a different color.

When Poison was done with the bleach, they told Neon that she’d have to wait awhile before she could wash it out. “Go do target practice or somethin’, but don’t move around too much,” they instructed. “I’m gonna go check on Jet. See if Sunshine’s out there to show ya the practice area.”

Neon wasn’t relishing the idea of talking with Rebel again, but she listened to Poison and went outside, grabbing her white gun off the Diner table before going outside. “Rebel?” she called, secretly hoping he wouldn’t respond.

“What d’ ya want?” he responded, just as iratably as ever. “Poison said you could show me the practice grounds,” Neon said, trying her best not to sound annoyed.

Rebel sighed, putting down the notebook he was holding. “Fine. Follow me. But I’m not your babysitter, and Poison should’a realized that by now.”

Neon glanced at Rebel’s notebook. She’d never learned to read, but she recognized that it wasn’t words Rebel was writing. “What’re you writing?” she asked.

Rebel stared at her, and Neon could tell he was debating whether to tell her or just make another snide remark. “It’s some equations I’m working on,” he said finally, and then added, “You wouldn’t understand. I doubt they teach rats like you to do math in the City.”

Neon didn’t say anything, because she didn’t know. Maybe City kids in normal families learned math, but she’d been raised by an android girl. Green had protected her, but she hadn’t known how to read, write, or do math, so neither did Neon. 

Rebel showed Neon the target practice area, which wasn’t very impressive. There were some empty cans and water bottles sitting on plastic crates. “You want target practice, you try an’ hit the cans,” Rebel explained. “I figured that out for myself, thanks,” Neon said, raising her gun and firing at the can on the far left.

The gesture would’ve been considerably more dramatic had she actually hit the can, but instead the shot went far above the cans and eventually fizzled out. Rebel was laughing at her, and Neon felt her ears go red. “Let’s see you do better, then,” she said defensively. 

Rebel raised an eyebrow. “Oh, you wanna go there, girlie? I’ve been playin’ with blasters since I was eight. You’ll never beat me.”

Neon put her hands on her hips. “I hear a lot of talk, but no shooting.”

Rebel pushed his hair out of his eyes and raised his gun with both hands, squinting at the cans. He fired, and the shot barely missed the middle can, skinning right by it. 

“Ha! Guess you’re not as great as you say you are, _Sunshine_ ,” Neon said, grinning. 

“I still did _way_ better than you.”

“Oh yeah? Wanna prove it? I challenge you. Five rounds, whoever makes the most shots wins.”

“And what do I get once I _annihilate_ you in this challenge?”

“Bragging rights? And you aren’t going to annihilate me, asshole.”

Rebel snorted. “Normally, I would not agree to something like this, but sure. Let’s play for bragging rights. Newbies first.”

Neon rolled her eyes, but turned to the cans. She concentrated, planting her feet shoulder width apart and raising her gun. 

\-----------

When it was all done, Sunshine had made three shots, and Neon one. “I win! Now the whole desert will know of your failure,” Rebel said, when he made his final shot. 

Neon sighed. “I suppose. Though I _did_ just get here like three days ago, and you’ve been here your whole life, so…”  
Rebel waved a hand in the air. “Inconsequential. I’m better than you, Lithium, and you will _never_ hear the end of this.”

Neon was about to shoot back that they could always have a re-match, and that when that happened she’d beat his ass, but just then Poison came out of the Diner. “C’mon Neon! It’s time to dye your hair!” 

Oh shit. She’d forgotten about that. A wave of dizziness threatened to overtake her, and she stumbled forward, falling to her knees. Breathing hard, Neon felt a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, it’s just a dye job. Don’t freak,” Rebel said, and he shoved her gently towards Poison. Neon gave him a grateful smile, but he’d already turned away. 

She followed Poison into the Diner, and sat back down in the folded chair, a sense of dread weighing on her chest. She struggled to steady her breathing as Poison began to brush the bottom of her hair with purple dye. Neon realized she was digging her fingernails into her thighs and forced herself to let go, inhaling deeply.

When she breathed in, she caught a whiff of the hair dye. The smell sent a jolt down her spine, and Neon’s vision became unclear. Suddenly, she wasn’t sure where she was. Voices rang in her head. “ _We’ll finally be like a normal family. We can go to the park. You’d like that, right?_ ” Green’s voice. Calmness disguising her excitement. The smell of hair dye filling their apartment. Green, her mother, turning to look at her, smiling, with brown hair instead of green. 

Then, the park. Other children, so stagnant it had terrified her. But with brown hair, no one gave Green a second glance. “ _I don’t know how I didn’t think of this earlier, November,” Green had said. “I could’ve brought you out more as a child. I’m sorry._ ” Green had always apologized to her for not being enough. 

They’d been walking, enjoying being outside in the daytime, when the first Scarecrow noticed them. Or, smelled them, to be exact. “ _Excuse me, ma’am, some other citizens noticed some unpleasant smell coming from you._ ”

Then the memory splintered again. Green’s whisper, in her ear as she held Neon close. “ _November, you must run. Don’t let them see your face._ ”

Running. Looking back over her shoulder to see the scarecrows surrounding Green. Going faster and faster, the air tearing at her lungs. Shouting, gunfire, and the terrible sound of metal clattering to the ground. 

Tears streaming down her face. Opening the apartment door to the scent of hair dye, the scent that had given Green the confidence to go out in public with her, the scent that had given them away. 

Later that night, crouching in an alleyway. Sleeping in the shadows of buildings. Ripping at the walls and the sidewalk and the city that had taken her mother from her. 

Last of all, one midnight, screaming to the sky, “I don’t want to live without her! Take me, Destroya! End my life, if you care at all!”

If Destroya had heard her, he hadn’t listened. And Neon had fallen to the ground, shaking and sobbing, determined to never get up again.

\-----------

Poison had been in the middle of painting the ends of Neon’s hair purple, taking care to get dye throughout Neon’s thick curls, when they noticed her breathing getting shallow. “Neon, you alright?” they asked, putting down the brush and dye and moving to face her.

Neon’s eyes were glazed over, as if she wasn’t in the room. She didn’t respond to Poison’s question. “Neon. Can you hear me?” they asked, raising their voice. Nothing. 

Poison didn’t know exactly what was going on, but they could guess. Neon’s glazed eyes, her lack of response, all of it made them think her mind wasn’t in the room where her body was. “Neon, I can’t help you unless you talk to me.”

Still no response. Poison was starting to worry. They remembered, vaguely, how when the Four had first moved into the Diner with Cola and Dr. D, something similar had happened with Cola. Ghoul had forgotten to put the safety on his gun, and had accidentally shot a hole in the wall. Cola had gone completely tense, his eyes had glazed, and when he came to he’d started yelling. Dr. D had been the one to calm him down, had gotten Cola to realize he was safe, and had sent Cola to go lie down. 

Afterwards, Dr. D had explained in a low voice that gunfire, especially nearby, triggered traumatic memories from Cola’s past. “He’s been workin’ on improvin’, but it’s best if ya avoid settin’ off any guns in ‘ere.”

Poison wondered what kind of trauma could be linked to hair dye. If that even was the reason Neon was unresponsive. But that wasn’t the major issue right now. The major issue was that Poison had no idea how to help Neon. They tried talking to her, tried shaking her shoulder gently, but nothing seemed to work. It had been minutes, and Neon still hadn’t responded. She had murmured a couple of times, but her words had been incomprehensible, and only made Poison more worried. 

Poison decided they’d just sit and watch and hope nothing got worse. They wanted to go find Dr. D, but they didn’t want to leave Neon alone. 

Poison watched her like a hawk, scared that if they even blinked Neon would hurt herself or keel over. They watched as Neon twitched, and as a tear rolled down her cheek. 

Suddenly, Neon yelled out, “End my life, if you care at all!” and slumped forward, toppling onto the ground. Poison jumped to their feet, hurrying to crouch beside Neon. Her head had hit the floor, and her eyes were shut. She was no longer tense, but Poison worried she might have injured herself. They gingerly touched her head, feeling for bleeding or a bump, but thankfully there was nothing. Poison slid their arms under Neon’s body and lifted her, thanking the Witch that years of Kobra and Ghoul dramatically asking to be carried had paid off. 

They pushed open the door to the Girl’s room. She wasn’t there. Dr. D had probably taken her to the studio, or maybe she was outside with Kobra. Poison set Neon onto the mattress gingerly, trying to remember if she should have her head elevated or not. Eventually they just covered her in a thin blanket and sat down on the floor beside the bed. 

It was maybe an hour later when Neon stirred, eyes opening halfway. “Neon!” Poison said, barely able to keep themself from shouting. “Are you alright?” 

The girl looked confused, and blinked bearily at Poison. “Who’re you?”

Poison felt as if their heart had stopped. _Oh Witch, she can’t have lost her memory_. “I’m Party Poison. Don’t you remember?” 

Neon’s brow wrinkled. “Where’s Ghoul? I wanna talk to him.”

Poison sighed in relief. She hadn’t lost her memory. “Ghoul’s still on his mission.”

Neon fell silent. Poison didn’t want to re-awaken whatever trauma had caused her to black out earlier, so they stayed silent.

“Are you alright?” they asked, turning to Neon, but she was back asleep. Poison sighed. They remembered what Ghoul had said last night: “ _I’m sure you’ll manage with her. You’re a textbook revolutionary._ ” Poison wasn’t managing at all. Neon was so quiet, so reserved, and Poison wasn’t used to that. Everyone in the desert that they’d mentored was always volatile and angry. Broken, sure, but trying to fix themselves with color and revolution. Neon seemed resistant to that. She didn’t need a textbook revolutionary; she needed Ghoul.

Poison didn’t like to admit when they couldn’t do something. Usually it was Ghoul who’d force them to stop and take a breath. But Ghoul wasn’t here, and Poison was learning to take care of themself. 

Ghoul had said he wasn’t any good at talking, but Poison knew that was wrong. Ghoul had been there for Poison, that night on the roof, and it had been his words that had comforted Poison most. Self-confidence had always been Poison’s thing. Maybe Ghoul needed that from them more than they’d thought. Maybe the best way for Poison to help Neon was for them to help Ghoul. 

But that didn’t change the fact that Ghoul was still not home. Poison would just have to do their best until he returned. They sat back down on the floor, wondering if it would be okay to leave Neon alone for a few moments so they could find Kobra or Rebel or Pony to keep them company. Just then, they heard the door bang open, and Rebel’s voice yelling, “Poison? Lithium? Where are y’all?”

“In here,” Poison said, peeking out of the door and waving. Sunshine hurried towards them. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Something happened to Neon, I’m not sure what. I think she had a flashback. She wasn’t responding to me, and at one point she yelled ‘End my life, if you care at all!’ and fell over.”

Sunshine looked over at the sleeping girl, concern showing on his face. “Is she gonna be okay?”

Poison shrugged. “Physically? Yeah, I don’t think she’s got a concussion or anything. But mentally, I don’t know. Probably not.”

Sunshine looked away. “I should’a been nicer to ‘er. On the ride to that clap. I mean, I’m always an asshole, but she didn’t deserve the third degree.”

Poison nodded. “Yeah, but that’s in the past, Rebel. You’ll have plenty of time to make it up to ‘er once she wakes up. For now, why don’t you do _me_ a favor and take off your fuckin’ binder?”

Sunshine looked down. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”

Poison chewed their lip, unsure of how to respond. Finally, they said, “I noticed because I care, Sunshine. I know how you feel, trust me. But you have to be safe.”

Sunshine glared at Poison, but this was one thing they refused to back down on. “Fine. I’ll go change. But I hate your guts.”

Poison rolled their eyes. Rebel left and came back a few minutes later, now wearing a baggy orange and grey sweatshirt. He sat down beside Poison. “I can watch her, if you need to go do your leaderly duties or whatever.”

Poison smiled. “Thanks, Dr. Sunshine. Just make sure she’s okay, and if she wakes up, be nice to ‘er. Once Ghoul gets back I’ll send ‘im in to take over.”

“Ghoul? Why him?”

Poison considered how to answer the question. “Because he’s the first one she asked for, when she woke up. And because I think they could help each other.”

\-----------

The Trans AM pulled up in front of the Diner just as the sun began to bleed into the horizon. Ghoul hopped out without opening the door, hoping to sneak inside and avoid both Poison and Neon, but Poison was waiting right outside when they pulled up. “Ghoul! Finally, you’re back!”

Ghoul was somewhat surprised by the clear relief in Poison’s voice, but he shrugged and accepted it. Poison hurried towards him and wrapped their arms around him. “Hey, Party. How are things?”

“Not good, Ghoulie. Not good.”

“What happened?” Ghoul asked, mind racing. _If something really bad had gone down, we would’ve heard on the radio, right?_

“It’s Neon. She- I don’t know exactly what happened. She had some sort of attack or something. She hit her head, and-”

“She hit her head? Phoenix Witch, Party, how did that happen?”

“I don’t know! I was watching her, trying to wake her up, and then she started yelling, and she fell over and hit her head on the floor.”

“Right. Okay. So did you talk her through it? Seems like something you oughta try.”

Poison bit their lip, a determined look in their eyes. Ghoul knew that look. Poison was about to start some “inspiring leader” speech. “I don’t wanna hear it, Party. I already told you, I’m no good at talking.”

“Yeah, here’s the thing, though. When Neon woke up, she asked for _you _. She didn’t ask for me, or Kobra, she asked for you.”__

__“So? She doesn’t know better.”_ _

__“ _Ghoul_. Don’t be stubborn. Go talk to her! You’re the one who rescued her, you’re the one she trusts. And I know you care about her.”_ _

__“Why are you making me do this, Party? I’m. No. Good. At. Talking.”_ _

__“You talked me into letting Lithium stay with us not too long ago.”_ _

__“Yeah, and I did a shitty job. You yelled at me. And cried. I wouldn’t call that a job well done.”_ _

__Poison shrugged. “I yell at everyone. I yelled at Kobra this morning, and I just yelled at Sunshine an hour ago. As for the crying, everyone needs a good cry sometimes. Including me.”_ _

__Ghoul sighed. “Fine, I’ll talk to her. But if that doesn’t work it’s your turn, okay?”_ _

__Poison smiled in the way they always did when they’d won something. “Sure. But you aren’t gonna fail, Ghoulie. I believe in you.”  
Ghoul pushed open the door gently. Sunshine Rebel sitting beside the mattress and talking quietly. He jumped when Ghoul came in. “Hey, Ghoul! I, um, I was just, uh… see ya!”_ _

__He leapt to his feet and breezed past Ghoul, who stared in confusion for a moment before shrugging and kneeling on the floor beside Neon. He didn’t want to wake her up, so he just sat there waiting._ _

__Neon’s eyes blinked open and darted around the room before landing on Ghoul. “Hey, Neon. You’re up,” he said._ _

__She smiled half-heartedly and sat up, back pressed to the wall. “Ghoul. You’re back.”_ _

__He grinned. “Yeah. It was a long run.”_ _

__They were plunged into an awkward silence. _I told Party I was bad at talking_ , Ghoul thought. “So uh, Poison told me that while we were gone, something happened with you? You wanna talk about it, or something?”_ _

__Neon looked away. Then, still not meeting his eyes, she started talking._ _

__“I-I don’t know exactly what happened. Poison was dying my hair, and I breathed in the smell of the dye, and something - a memory - just sort of took over. I don’t-I can’t remember what happened after.”_ _

__Ghoul nodded. It sounded similar to the flashbacks Cola sometimes had around battles. He still sometimes beat himself up over the time he’d triggered one of those flashbacks by forgetting to put the safety on his gun._ _

__“You wanna tell me what that memory was? It’s alright if you don’t, but it might help.”_ _

__Neon was quiet for a moment. “A few months before you found me, the android girl who raised me - I called her Green - was killed by scarecrows because she decided to- she decided to…” Neon’s words gave way to sobs. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face, trying to hide her tears._ _

__“Hey, it’s alright. You don’t need to tell me anything that makes you cry,” Ghoul said, placing a hand gingerly on Neon’s arm. “It’s gonna be okay.”_ _

__Neon looked up at him, eyes red, nose running. “I don’t think I’m cut out for a killjoy life,” she said._ _

__“What makes you think that?”_ _

__“I can’t kill without crying. I can’t get my hair dyed without being overwhelmed. I don’t like being loud, I don’t like crazy clothes, and I don’t think I ever wanna kiss anyone. All the things Jet and Poison and Kobra and you say being a killjoy is about, I don’t really like.”_ _

__“Neon, being a killjoy isn’t about murdering or having cool hair. It’s not about being loud and wearing weird outfits. It’s not even about being gay in the desert. In the end, being a killjoy is about not wanting to be controlled. It’s about wanting to get rid of Better Living. And if ‘crows killed someone you love, I can assume you want your revenge.”_ _

__Neon took in a shuddering breath, and then exhaled. “Green dyed her hair brown so we could go walk in the good part of the City without being suspicious, but the scarecrows smelled the dye and shot her. For a while all I wanted was to die so I could be with her, but I guess bringing down Better Living could be a better way to honor her.”_ _

__Ghoul felt a wave of anger wash over him. Neon couldn’t be older than 14, and here she was, broken and suicidal before she even had the chance to grow up. He wished desperately that he could’ve protected her from Better Living, that Neon and kids like her didn’t have to grow up in a world ruled by a corporation that cared more about keeping things orderly than the good of its citizens._ _

__But he couldn’t. There was no way for him to protect anyone unless they brought down Better Living. So though it pained him to admit, having Neon committed to the cause of bringing BLI down was beneficial. One more gun in the fight to end all the suffering caused by Better Living._ _

__“Neon, come here,” Ghoul said. She obeyed, standing to face Ghoul. She was nearly the same height as him. Ghoul pulled her into a hug. “I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it’s gonna be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not for another month or another year, but eventually things will be good again,” he said, while silently praying that his words would hold true._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @unfortunatley-a-mortal on tumblr for his help beta reading this chapter! 
> 
> If you enjoyed or have questions please leave a comment or let me know on my tumblr, @rocknoutfrthdead. It always makes my day to hear feedback about my fic!
> 
> This is the longest - and most eventful - chapter I've written so far. It took longer than I thought but it was really fun to write. I can't remember the last time I felt this good about finishing something. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate each and every one of you.


	6. What Will Save Us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something that we all knew was coming happens. I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from Na Na Na by My Chemical Romance

The day everything went up in flames started like any other.

Neon was woken from her spot on the floor by the early morning sun coming through the Diner’s shattered windows. It had been weeks since her incident with the hair dye, and though she still had nightmares, those were manageable. She’d been having the nightmares ever since Green died. Settling into a routine with the killjoys had helped her, and Poison made sure that she was out of the room whenever they decided to play hairdresser.

That morning, the ‘joys were planning on laying low. They’d helped out a neighboring squad take down an unusually large squad of Dracs yesterday, and Jet had been afraid that another clap with a similarly sized group would end in one of them dead. So Poison had ordered that they all stay in for a few days and draw attention away from the Four.

“Isn’t that what we want? For the City to take us seriously?” Rebel had asked. “Why should we lay low when they’re finally giving us the attention we deserve?”

Poison had laughed at that. “I admire your spirit, Dr. Sunshine, but attention from the City only does us good to a point. Kids in the City already know our names. Taking any more risks would just be stupid.”

To that, Rebel had muttered, “Something being stupid never stopped you before,” but no one heard that except for Neon, who’d been sitting right next to him. 

Neon was the last one to wake up, it appeared. Jet was already up, sitting on the couch and playing some old game that he’d found in the Desert a couple weeks ago. “Morning, Neon,” he said, but he didn’t take his eyes off the screen. Neon knew by now not to distract Jet when he was playing something. The killjoy’s resident medic, Jet was generally very patient, but when it came to competitions, he was worse than Rebel.

She figured the others must be somewhere nearby, so she stood and stretched, then strode out the front door. “Ghoul?” she called, walking around the side of the Diner only to see Ghoul pressed against the wall, Poison kissing him viciously. When he saw her, his eyes widened with surprise and his ears went red.  
“Um… sorry. I didn’t- uh… I’m gonna go now,” Neon stammered, and darted back the way she’d come. Sometimes she forgot that Ghoul and Poison were dating. Most of the time, they just acted like best friends, and they weren’t outwardly romantic with each other. Unlike Cola and Kobra, who were the most sappy and affectionate couple Neon had ever met.

Not that she’d met many couples. In fact, other than the killjoys, she’d never known anyone who was in an actual relationship before. Android girls tended to not focus on love and more on getting by, and they’d been her only friends and family for most of her life. And love was banned in the City anyway. 

Other than Poison and Ghoul and Cola and Kobra, she also knew that Jet had dated a few other guys and enbies in the desert, and that Show Pony’s ex-partner had been turned into a draculoid. The killjoys loved to talk about their romances, whether they were with someone or not. Neon wasn’t sure how she felt about it all. When the topic came up she would usually fall silent and tune out the discussion. Sometimes Rebel would talk to her; even though he was open about the fact that he wanted a boyfriend, he didn’t like talking about it with the other killjoys. 

When he’d explained this to her, and then asked who she’d want to date someday, Neon had simply told him she didn’t know yet. Which wasn’t entirely untrue: she was yet to see anyone in the Desert who she’d wanted to kiss, or who she’d felt butterflies in her stomach upon seeing. But she hadn’t been entirely honest, either, because Neon was pretty sure her answer to the question “who do you want to date” was no one. She just didn’t want to say it out loud, because to admit it might make it true. 

Neon spent the day painting her mask. She’d gotten a more sturdy cloth version of the mask that covered her mouth and nose, and Kobra had lent her some paint he claimed was “not as harmful to breathe in as most of it.” Neon wasn’t sure she believed him, but it wasn’t like she had another option. 

For the colors of her mask, Neon decided on purple and black, which were quickly becoming her trademark colors. She didn’t mind. At least her colors weren’t as ugly as Rebel’s orange and green. He’d fully committed to making all his clothing, accessories, and even makeup those two colors, which Neon secretly thought was a mistake. Orange was _not_ flattering on him.

She was letting the paint dry, picking at the loose threads on the holes in her jeans, when she heard the quiet hum of one of the newer Better Living military transports in the distance. Neon had to be completely still for a moment so she could be sure of what she’d heard. Frightened, because you could only hear BLI’s engines when the Dracs were close by, Neon hurried inside. “Jet! I heard a transport outside. There are Dracs closing in.”

Jet, who was still sitting on the couch, threw down the game controller and was on his feet in an instant. “Where did you hear the transport? Which direction?”

“It was to my left, when I was sitting outside the front of the diner,” Neon said, gesturing in that direction.

“We have to hurry. I don’t want the fighting to get too near Cola or the Girl. Go tell D what’s going on, and hopefully we’ll get some backup.”

Neon nodded, and sprinted outside and around to the studio where Dr. D and Cola sent their broadcasts out. “D! There’s a Drac squad out to the west. Jet said to tell you, and that he might need backup.”

Dr. D removed his headphones and looked over his shoulder at Neon. “I’ll start the broadcast in a minute, girlie. Who’s goin’ with Jet?”

“Well, I am, plus Poison and Ghoul. Rebel and Pony left yesterday to stock us up on water, so it’ll probably just be the four of us.”

Kobra, who Neon had only just realized was in the room, extricated himself from his position seated on Cola’s lap and stood. “How many Dracs are there?” he asked. Neon shrugged. “We don’t know.”

Kobra glanced at Cola quickly, and then said, “I think I should go instead of you, Lithium. We want to intimidate these Dracs, and hopefully make our position as desert leaders even more clear. With all four of the Fab Four present, they’ll probably get spooked. We aren’t often seen all fighting together.”

Cola spoke up, face twisted in concern. “I don’t like it, Kobes. You always stay back in these big fights, why can’t you do it this time?”

Kobra sniffed. “As much as I love you, Cola, I’ve been sittin’ out the big battles for the past two months. If I keep this up, I’m gonna get rusty.”

“You won’t get rusty! C’mon, Kobes, just let Neon go. She can handle herself.”

Kobra shook his head firmly. “I’m not sayin’ she can’t handle herself. I’m saying we need to make a statement, and the best way for us to do that is by not bringin’ any kids into the battle. No offense, Lithium.”

Neon nodded. She knew what Kobra meant. The Dracs had been coming in more and more force recently, less afraid than they had been previously of the legendary Four. Poison, Jet, Kobra, and Ghoul had to make an appearance together if they wanted to keep the City afraid of them. “Kobra’s right, Cola. He has to do this.”

Cola sighed. “He doesn’t _have_ to do anything, but he seems pretty determined to do this, and we all know from experience that neither of the Stubborn Siblings ever backs down when they’re determined.”

Kobra smiled. “See, Cherri? You get it. Don’t worry, love, I’ll be back before you even know I’m gone.” With that, Kobra leaned down to kiss Cola quickly on the cheek, before heading out the door to join the others. 

Cola rolled his eyes at Kobra as he left, but Neon could tell that he was scared. “They’ll be fine, Cola. All four of them are the best fighters I’ve ever known,” D said, and Cola rolled his eyes. “I know that, D. Doesn’t mean I won’t worry.”

\---------

Ghoul was sitting in the back of the AM next to Kobra, fiddling with one of his bombs, when the voice of a young child cut over the Mad Gear track Poison was blasting. “Where are we going?” 

“Fuck!” Kobra yelled, and dropped his gun. “Girlie? What are you doing here?”

Ghoul felt dread shoot through his body. Somehow, the Girl had managed to wedge herself underneath the backseat of the Trans AM, and none of them had noticed. She crawled out now, settling herself between Ghoul and Kobra, somehow unaware of the chaos she’d caused. 

“You never take me anywhere with you!” the Girl whined. “I don’t like being stuck in that stinky room all the time.”

From the driver’s seat, Jet shot a glance back at Ghoul, who shrugged. “We can turn around and bring ‘er back to the Diner, but-”  
His words were cut off by the sound of blasterfire. “Too late! The Dracs are here,” Poison yelled. “Girl, get down and don’t let anyone see ya. We better deal with this quickly.”

Ghoul gave the Girl a quick pat on the shoulder and then lept out of the car, pulling his mask over his face. “Draw them away from the AM!” Jet shouted, and Ghoul obeyed, sprinting as far from the car as he could before he had to duck down and start shooting back. He scanned the sands for the others, and spotted Kobra’s yellow helmet beside Poison’s red mop of hair, both of them running at the Dracs while Jet tried his best to distract the Dracs by shooting his gun in random directions.

_They’re hopeless_ , Ghoul thought, but ran towards the Dracs all the same. If Party was going to be a dumbass, the least Ghoul could do was be a dumbass alongside them. 

The group of Dracs was surprisingly small, Ghoul thought. The Killjoys were going to win, and he didn’t even need to set off any bombs. 

As if on cue, the Dracs began to retreat, backing towards their transport. “Ha! Are you scared of us?” Jet said, voice triumphant. “We’ll always win, you wanna know why? Cause we let ourselves feel! No amount of resources can crush hope, you bastards!” 

Ghoul whistled, and he heard Poison yell “hear, hear!”, but the Dracs didn’t respond. They piled into their transport, gunning the engine. “We can’t let ‘em get away!” Kobra yelled. “Nah, let them go back to the City. They’ll tell their bosses that the Fab Four beat them again, and our legend in the streets will grow. Plus, we get out of this fight with barely a scratch on us,” Poison said. Kobra looked like he wanted to argue, but just shrugged and walked back towards the Trans AM. 

“Girlie!” Jet called. “You alright in there?”

There was no response. 

Ghoul jogged to the Trans AM and pulled open the door. “Where are you hidin’, Girl? We’ll find ya,” he said, and crouched down to look under the seats. No sign of the Girl. Frowning, he checked in the front seat. 

“She’s not here,” Ghoul said, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. 

“Did you check under the seats?” Poison asked, and Ghoul rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid, Party. I checked and I can’t find ‘er anywhere.”

Poison pursed their lips. “Maybe she got scared and ran away. Let’s spread out and look for her. She can’t have gotten far.”

Jet shook his head. “Poison, look,” he said, pointing to the ground. Ghoul’s gaze followed Jet’s finger to the imprints of shoes on the ground. “Those are ‘Crow footprints,” Kobra said, realization dawning on his face. “The Dracs distracted us while a ‘Crow came for the Girl. Better Living has her,” Jet said solemnly. “They know they can never beat us out here, so they’re tryin’ to lure us into the City.”

Ghoul couldn’t believe what Jet was saying. “That can’t be true. I mean, we would’ve heard her yelling, right?” he said.

“Ghoul, we were in the middle of a battle. There was gunfire and we were far away from the AM. Even if she did scream, we wouldn’t have been able to hear her,” Kobra said. 

“No. I refuse to believe that the City has our girl. We’re going back to the Diner and having D pick up whatever radio waves are comin’ out of Bat City, and if they do really have her, we’ll decide what to do then,” Poison said, their voice shaking despite how hard Ghoul could see they were trying to sound confident.

Jet looked skeptical, but he sat down in the driver’s seat anyway. Kobra sat shotgun, and Ghoul pulled Poison into the backseat with him. “There’s no way they really got her. She probably ran back to the Diner or got lost or something,” Poison said. No one responded. The rest of the drive back was silent.

When they got back to the Diner, Poison went straight for the studio where Dr. D and Cola did their broadcasts. They stormed in, the other three at their heels. “D, can you tune into the City airways?” Dr. D nodded and adjusted a dial, then passed his headphones to Poison. They pressed the headphones to their ears, eyes wide and body tense as they waited to hear something. The room was so quiet that Ghoul could hear the faint murmur of voices through the headphones.

Finally, Poison threw the headphones down. “Better Living has her,” they said, and turned and left, slamming the studio door. “Who does Better Living have?” Cola asked. 

Ghoul realized that neither Jet nor Kobra was going to explain, so he said, “they have the Girl. She snuck onto the AM and we didn’t notice until the Dracs were on us. Then we got distracted by fighting and somehow they got her.”

Cola inhaled sharply, then glanced at the door Poison had slammed. “You better make sure they aren’t goin’ after her alone.”

Ghoul nodded, and slipped out the door before someone could say another word. “Party?” he asked, and he spotted them sitting in the driver’s seat of the Trans AM. Ghoul panicked for a second, but then realized that Poison wasn’t driving the car. They were just sitting there, head resting on the steering wheel. Quietly, Ghoul slipped into the passenger seat beside them.

“You okay, Party?” he asked.

“I can’t believe I let this happen,” they said, not lifting their head.

Ghoul didn’t know how to respond. There was nothing he could say to comfort Poison, not in this scenario. Everything had been going so well for them, and suddenly it was all gone. The semblance of normalcy the gang had built over the past couple of months had been shattered by the Girl’s kidnapping. 

The two of them sat there silently for a few minutes, before Poison looked up and started talking. “When Kobra and I were in the City, I never thought there was anything wrong with my life. It wasn’t until the City started Kobra on a higher dosage of pills that I realized things were fucked up. It was only when I saw my little brother become a different person that I decided to escape. I swore to myself, after we left, that I would fight to keep everyone, but especially kids, out of Better Living’s hands. And look what’s happened now. The one kid I thought I could keep safe from them was taken. What am I supposed to do, Ghoulie? How am I supposed to live with myself, knowing that I failed like this?”

“We’ll save her, Poison. That’s how you live with yourself. It doesn’t matter how much of a suicide mission it is, we have to save her.”

“What if we can’t save her? And what happens to the others if we die? Sunshine, Neon, Dr. D, Cola, they all rely on us to keep them safe.”

“The Girl is most important, Party. We both know that. She’s more than just another killjoy, she’s hope for the desert. We lose her, we lose our revolution. The others can fend for themselves. She can’t.”

Poison nodded. “You’re right, Ghoulie. You’re always right. Do ya think Jet and Kobra will come with us?”

“Of course we’ll come with you, asshole,” Kobra said from behind. Poison whipped around. “Kobes? Are you sure?” 

Kobra gave his sibling a half smile. “Of course, Poison. Stubborn Siblings to the end, right?”

Jet stood behind Kobra, and gave a silent nod in Ghoul’s direction. That was enough for Ghoul to know that they were all in on this plan. They’d save the Girl, no matter the cost. “Let’s get packing, then. And say your goodbyes. I don’t know for sure that we’ll get dusted on this mission, but better safe than sorry,” Poison said. There was a new look in their eyes, something dark that sent a shiver down Ghoul’s spine. He was suddenly glad that Poison was on his side. “Let’s go, killjoys. Time to make some noise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger, kids. It had to happen. Also, sorry it took so long for this update! Even though I've had a lot of time to write I haven't had a lot of motivation. Thanks to @unfortunatley-a-mortal for his help beta reading. If you liked the chapter, comment! Anything you say is awesome.


	7. Generation Nothing!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm too tired for this
> 
> Chapter Title from SING by My Chemical Romance
> 
> this one's shorter than usual but oh well shit goes down so that's my excuse

Once they had Poison’s orders, the other three killjoys split up, all ready to prepare what they’d need. Ghoul went into the Diner to fix up some bombs, Jet went through his meager medical supplies, and Poison snuck off to look at themself in the mirror. If they were going to go down, they might as well look good. 

Kobra, who watched the others run off to do their respective duties as medic, demolitions expert, and leader, wasn’t sure what exactly he should do to help. His technological skills wouldn’t be of much help until they actually entered the City, and there wasn’t anything he needed to do to prepare. 

Almost as if he’d read Kobra’s thoughts, Cola called out to Kobra from the studio door. “You alright, Kobes?” he asked softly. Kobra couldn’t bring himself to look Cola in the eyes. “Cola, I’m- I mean, we’re going to save her. All four of us. It’s the only way.”

He didn’t say what they both knew: if the Four went into Battery City, the likelihood of them getting out was extremely slim. “I’m sorry. If there were any other way, you know that I’d take it, but-”

Cola smiled softly, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It’s alright, love. I know you always do what you have to. I never want to be the thing stopping you from being a hero.”

Kobra wanted to scream. It wasn’t his dream to be a hero, but he couldn’t let Poison fight alone. And that was the dilemma he was constantly caught in: to stay with his sibling or to find some life apart from them. Sometimes Kobra would think about how things would be if Poison weren’t such a fighter, if they’d been content to just be another killjoy. But those fantasies always fell apart when met with the force of Poison’ passion and love. No matter what, Kobra knew he’d always follow them. Because though he might dream of a different Poison, a different Poison wouldn’t have gotten Kobra out of the City. A different Poison wouldn’t have kept Kobra alive through the worst of his withdrawal symptoms. A different Poison wouldn’t have encouraged Kobra to be brave and confess his feelings to Cola. 

“I don’t want to do this. But I have to, Cola. I have to- have to say goodbye,” Kobra said, blinking tears from his eyes. Cola drew him into a hug, and Kobra hugged him back fiercely, praying to the Phoenix Witch that somehow he would survive this suicide mission. “I won’t say goodbye, because we’ll see each other again. Maybe not for a long time, but I believe the Phoenix Witch lets you go back to who you love when you’re ghosted,” Cola said. 

Kobra smiled through the tears, hoping that what Cola said was true. 

\----------

The Four gathered outside beside the Trans AM, joined by Neon, Cola, and Dr. D. “Here’s the plan,” Poison said. “Us four will go into the City and find the Girl. We’ll clear the way so D can come through with the van and get her back to the Desert in case we don’t make it. Cola, you keep an ear out for static comin’ from Better Living. Neon, stay on the lookout for Rebel and Pony. Once they get back, tell them what’s goin’ on and Pony will go with D. Got it?” Neon nodded, and so did the rest of the killjoys. 

“Remember, priority number one is saving the kid,” Ghoul said. “We’ll save ourselves if we can, but our main goal is to hold back BL/ind and not let them kill her.”

Neon backed away from the Four as they said their goodbyes to each other. Watching a family say goodbye to each other was so heartbreaking, Neon had to choke back tears. She sat down on the burning sand and watched as the Four gave each other one last group hug, and then all got into the Trans AM, Jet driving with Poison in the passenger seat next to him, Ghoul and Kobra in the back seat. They drove off, sand billowing in the air behind them. Neon sat and followed their path with her eyes until the Trans AM was nothing but a dot on the horizon. She subconsciously started biting at her left thumbnail as she watched the horizon anxiously. _You’re being stupid. They’ve barely been gone for twenty minutes._ she beratted herself. 

Over her shoulder, Neon heard faint footsteps. She twisted around to see Sunshine Rebel, his blonde hair ruffled, wearing a garish pink and green letterman jacket that was _not_ his style. “Did you hear the news, Rebel?” Neon asked. “Yeah. Dr. D just told me. He and Pony are about to take off.” 

“Really?” Neon asked. “I thought they needed to prepare. Didn’t you and Pony just get back like a couple minutes ago?”

Rebel looked down at the sand. “I mean… I don’t know when Pony got back. We ah, we got seperated.”

Neon eyed him suspiciously. “Are you sure that’s the whole story, Doctor Sunshine?”

“Shut up. You know I hate that nickname.”

“You’re dodging the question.”

“Shut up!” Rebel said again, and stormed off. Neon scrambled to her feet and followed him. Figuring out what Rebel was hiding might be the distraction she needed.

She caught up with Rebel, who was leaning on the outside wall of the Diner and smoking. “Not you again,” he mumbled, but he didn’t shoo her away, so Neon leaned on the wall next to him. 

“Seriously, where were you? And whose jacket is that?” Neon asked.

Rebel drew the cigarette away from his lips and sighed. “I was out with a guy, okay? The jacket is his.”

Neon wanted to roll her eyes. How could Rebel be pursuing romance at a time like this? But she refrained, because of how happy Rebel seemed. Maybe it was good to have the distraction of romantic love in a time like this. “Who is he?” she asked.

A faint smile played across Sunshine’s face. “His name’s Toxic Atom.”

“You mean that guy who was running with Jet’s sister? I thought you hated him.”

Rebel shook his head. “I didn’t hate him. We dated for a little bit and then he broke up with me, so things were awkward, but I liked him still, and turns out he felt the same way.” Rebel’s smile seemed so loving and vulnerable that Neon had to look away. When she turned her head, Rebel glanced towards her.

“Don’t worry about it, Neon. You’ll find someone eventually.”

Neon looked at him in surprise. “Oh no, you misinterpreted that,” she said. “I’m happy for you, and I don’t want to intrude on your thoughts, but I’m not _jealous_. I don’t really want anyone in that way. Like, I love having friends, and I care about people, but I don’t really feel love in the romantic way. I just want to love my friends without having any type of romance between us.”

Sunshine was quiet for a minute, and Neon was suddenly scared that she’d said something wrong. Maybe there was something wrong with her after all. He turned to her and said, “There’s a word for that. I mean, if you’d want to hear it. Toxic read it to me from one of his books. People who don’t feel romantic towards anyone are called aromantic, and people who don’t feel sexually towards anyone are called asexual. If you’re both, you’re aroace.”

Neon let out the breath she’d been holding. “Oh, thank Destroya. I thought you were gonna say something about how I’m like, not right in the head or something. It feels good to know that there’s a word for it, though. I thought I might be the only one.”

Rebel laughed. “Yeah, it does, right? That’s how I felt when Poison told me I didn’t have to be my birth gender if I didn’t want to. They told me it was completely normal to be trans. I nearly cried. It feels good to find labels that fit you.” 

Neon felt herself blinking away her own tears for the second time within the hour. “Thanks, Rebel,” she said, pulling him into a hug. The older boy grunted, but reluctantly hugged her back. “Don’t you tell anyone about this. It’ll ruin my reputation.” Rebel grumbled, and Neon laughed. 

Suddenly, the peacefulness of the moment was shattered with a loud yell. Neon pulled away from Rebel. “Was that-” she started to say, but was cut off. “The studio. We have to go check on Cola.”

Rebel sprinted off, and Neon followed him, pulling her mask over her mouth and nose just in case. The two of them made it to the studio and pulled the door open to see Cherri Cola holding his head in his hands, headphones discarded on the floor beside him. “What’s wrong?” Rebel asked, and Neon waited with bated breath for Cola’s response.

“They’re gone. The Four. We’re all done for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this goes bad i blame the anon who told me to post it without being proofread
> 
> please please comment if you liked it! it would make my day :)
> 
> I'm @rocknoutfrthdead on tumblr if you want to send me a message about this on there

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to @twilightlegacy13 and @im-bi-and-wanna-die on tumblr for beta reading this! Y'all are the best
> 
> drop a comment here if you liked the first chapter! the second chapter should be out in 1-2 weeks, depending on circumstances.


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